trans_irl
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The DREAM
I distinctly remember the first time my dad called me my right name. I was sixteen, I’d gotten my driver’s license not too long ago, and now that I was driving, my dad gave me a credit card so I could get gas, or food if I was staying late at school due to marching band. He was very clear, this card was for food and gas only. Only gas and food. Just those two categories of product. He would be checking the bill. I had no desire to buy anything else with this card.
However. Often when getting food after marching practice, or on our scant breaks, I’d drive my friends to burger king or little ceasers or starbucks or whatever, and sometimes not all of my friends could afford the food they wanted. And well…food is food. I have a big appetite, and as long as I didn’t go crazy overboard and order catering for the whole band, a few extra burgers and shakes wouldn’t stand out on a monthly bill. So I bought my friends food.
I did this for several months, and sometime during that came out to my parents. They both thought it was a phase, and that I would grow out of it. Since they’re not terrible people their approach to me having ‘a boy phase’ was to let me do my thing and wait for me to change my mind. I didn’t change my mind, and eventually they understood that, but that’s a whole other post. The point is my dad didn’t discourage me from transitioning, but avoided talking about it with me. He stopped calling me his daughter, but replaced it with child rather than son, that kind of thing.
But back to the credit card. Eventually I started feeling guilty. TECHNICALLY I was obeying the rule ‘food and gas only’, but I knew I was bending it. I nervously admitted to him one day that sometimes…on occasion…once in a while… I’d buy a friend food. I waited solemnly for his judgement. He walked over to me, put his hands on my shoulders, looked into my eyes sternly and said,
“Zackary, we are Italian. If you let your friends go hungry….” (and here he decided to shake me just for a little emphasis) “I will disown you.”
And that’s when I knew he’d come around. Trans? Fine okay sure, give it a shot. Stingy? Get the fuck out.
[Image ID: Tweet from @/ theobromic_ on 2023-10-18 reading: people say they hate school but if money was no issue i would be out here collecting degrees like pokemon. max level in every job like i'm in final fantasy /End ID]
I can't believe this was a season 5 episode btw. Season 5 out of 10 seasons. In 2013. A year before korrasami. Just casually open with Bubblegum sniffing the FUCK out of this shirt she got from Marceline. A fat fucking snoof and rub and a satisfied sigh. She got it from a girl she broke up with several centuries ago and is at this point just barely on speaking terms with. Marceline does not know she does this. Absolutely deranged behaviour. The down baddest anyone's ever been. The fact people were still debating whether she was gay after this. Pearl steven universe is nothing next to this shit
the delusional masses who continued to be in denial of this never considered how long bubblegum probably left that thing unwashed just to maintain that pristine potent honkin' sniff of vampire ex smell. marceline threw that thing off her back at a ROCK CONCERT.
Beloved ones. You feel this way BECAUSE you don’t do anything all day. Whether mental illness holds you hostage, or an aspect of neurodiversity says, “Hmm not today!” Or if your self-care day turns into weeks of paralysis, or you just take the damn day off…chances are, at the end of the “do nothing” period, you will feel more overwhelmed and exhausted than you feel you have a right to be. You are borne down by in insupportable weight of time passing by, empty of anything meaningful. Panic can set in, or despair, or guilt, or numbness, or mania, or any/all combinations thereof…it hits us all differently.
If this feeling is bothering you, see if you can find the energy/focus/spoons to do ~something with your hands~
It doesn’t have to be quote-PRODUCTIVE-unquote. You can color (a real page with real writing implements, even if it sucks). You can massage your hands and feet with good-smelling lotion. You can go outside and stack little rocks on top of each other until they fall down. Arrange leaves into a heart shape. Count the anthills in the sidewalk near your house. Draw on concrete with chalk. Paint your nails or toes. The more useless and non-taxing for you, the better.
The point is, you ~complete a physical task~
Your animal-brain doesn’t know that this task has no “productive” value! Certain parts of your brain can’t necessarily parse that sort of thing!!! The deep wiring in your noggin senses that you initiated a task, spent time & energy on it, and completed it! Even something as small as the ideas above can start to re-wire your brain back into functionality when you’re overwhelmed and paralyzed. The biggest part is to engage with the PHYSICAL WORLD, because while our phones & computers & tablets can be serotonin-generators, the deep ancient-animal wiring in our brain still doesn’t quite interpret it as REAL. (This is also why practical VFX are always more charming than CGI, but that’s a rant for another time.)
Sincerely,
Someone who has fought this battle many times before (and studied it, and researched it in others, and almost literally has a Masters degree in motivating the unwilling)
Windex isn’t carbonated
The use of the princess bride implies that they’re both windex
it also implies that op developed immunity to windex
I spent like 15 hours on this.
Guys this is NOT just “a poem.” This is one of the FINEST and TRICKSIEST TONGUE TWISTERS I have EVER read. Professional tongue-twister-readers should have to read this out loud to prove their skill. I stumbled so many times reading this out loud. Genius.
I consider myself a microinfluencer in the way I can get ten to fifteen people to consume a piece of media if I’m annoying enough about it
hi, i love dynamics that r like “we make each other worse” on the surface but when u look deeper it is actually just “we understand each other on a level that no one else does and nudge each other out of our typical comfort zone” which just circles around to “we make each other better”. it’s abt the accidental growth just by being in each other’s lives. idk